


Delicate Weapon

by Shanhelsng



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Intimate moments, Loss, Love, Revenge, Romance, Shock & Awe, V is a badass, compassion - Freeform, oh the feels, poor v, smut teasers, vengence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:08:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28922616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shanhelsng/pseuds/Shanhelsng
Summary: "The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire." ~ Ferdinand FochV struggles as she tries to put her life together after losing Johnny to Alt inside of Mikoshi. Trying to keep his memory alive, V relives her more softer memories with him but is more often reminded that he is gone. All the while, still struggling with her declining health. Depression is setting in just as Panam comes to the rescue, accidentally uncovering a solution.There are different facets to this story. Grief, friendship, passion, revenge, determination, love... get ready, chooms!
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Female V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/V, Johnny silverhand - Relationship, Panam Palmer & Female V
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “You’re my waking thought, my sweet dream, and everything in between.” ~ Perry

V pointed Johnny’s Malorian 3516 down at the defeated robotic carcass of legendary Arasaka thug, Adam Smasher, sporting her devilish grin and pulled the trigger without hesitation.

“Johnny Silverhand sends his regards.” She pulled the trigger for herself and everyone who ever met the fucking bastard. _Some legends do die in Night City._

V stepped over his flaming body and stumbled onwards to the monolithic Mikoshi computer. She had finally arrived, after weeks of mentally preparing and volleying ideas with Johnny. But since deciding to work with the nomadic badlands clan, the Aldecaldos, Johnny had been silent in her head. It was within this silence, she began to truly realize how alone she was going to feel. She dreaded it. Still, she pushed on. 

Ever since she slotted it into her head, Johnny’s Relic chip had been slowly rewriting her mind, killing her in the process. Funny, it was only in her head because she had been trying to save it from her botched heist. Another stab of pain shot from the chip’s location and fizzled through her body, bringing her to her knees. _20 feet. I just need 20 feet. I can see the jack. Come on… come on! Work with me, body. Then we can rest._

Panam, her friend and now leader of the Aldecaldoes, ran up to V after looting the contents of Adam Smasher. Stashing a keycard, maxdoc health spray and some papers. Bracing her by the shoulder, Panam walked V up to the Mikoshi monolith. This is where V had told her the last stand would be. Although she didn’t quite understand what was going on, she knew the desperation and determination in V’s eyes meant she’d die to get here. 

“We are here.” Panam grinded out, uncomfortable with what was happening. She could feel V struggling to walk and stay conscious. V’s cries of pain were something Panam had been briefed about previously.

“Thanks, Panam. I couldn’t have made it here without you.”

“Shut up. Let’s get this done. I’ll be here after whatever happens.“

“Here we go.” V pulled the jack out and inserted it into the port behind her right ear. She could hear Alt instantly.

“Enter the coolant and we will begin.” The ominous voice of ALT, netrunner/Johnny’s ex turned permanent A.I., sounded throughout the chamber. Panam helped V slide slowly off the platform and into the moat of coolant surrounding the red monolith of Mikoshi. 

“It’s ok, Panam. If things go bad, get out of here. I want you to leave and save yourself.”

“Ya whatever, V. I’m not going to leave you helpless here. You’re family. Just get this done already. Give that chip the boot.”

V had told Panam what was happening, but couldn’t quite explain what was going to happen when she connected to Mikoshi. She was trusting ALT for that. Panam still supported V and was going to help her with whatever she needed done. V felt her body going slack, sinking into the blue illuminated liquid. Her eyes rolled back, scanning the ceiling of the circular room before her visual pixelated out. 

“V.”

She could hear Johnny as she opened her eyes. She appeared to be standing on a digitized platform. She was in cyberspace. It was cold, or was she cold? She didn’t remember being cold in the coolant. She did remember what it was like to be in a place like this after her irritating experience with the Voodoo Boys. It was cold climbing into the tub, but her psyche wasn’t cold in their digital stronghold. This, this, was different. It was more developed. Less assembled pixels, more structured columns of black, edged in neon blue, to create walkways and stairs. A long path stretched out ahead of V, with a glowing, sparkling yellow column up high in the distance at the top of a pyramid. V advanced quickly toward the structure.. There was only one way to go, and she could hear Johnny calling her name.

“V.”

V reached the bottom of the pyramid. Her mind willed her forward, her form was as Johnny had appeared to her for over a month. A digital existence, a life within the code. She moved without legs, without form, like the wind.

“V.”

She ascended the pyramid, the same columns rising from the path, taking her to the platform at the top. Upon arriving, she could see Johnny with his back to her standing on the other side of the platform, his red silhouette against the yellow light. Her stomach was in her throat. It had felt like forever since she had last seen him on the rooftop of Vik’s building. It felt like a magnet pulled her to him. When she reached out and touched his shoulder, it was like their code melded together. Like that was how it was supposed to be. 

“It worked! You’re here and I’m gonna fuckin’ live! Who was right, you cranky bastard?” V announced joyfully, wrapping arms around Johnny’s neck.

“Ha! Gotta admit, you were right. You cobbled together a good plan.” Johnny replied with his now easy smile. When they first met, aside from trying to kill her, he wore a permanent frown. Johnny drew her arms down and held onto her hand. 

“Heh! And who just ate their words?” V wanted to rub it in, just a little more. She wanted to stay in this moment of being right and him admitting it, for once.

“Ah, fuck off.” He said, passing her and dragging her along to a diner booth that had just materialized. He slides in, back to the glowing beyond.

“Want a word with Alt first, where is the wench?” V said, leaning on the edge of the table before taking her seat.

With legs now kicked up on the corner of the table, Johnny confidently sat flat against the back of the booth looking every bit the rockstar. “Haven’t caught on yet, have ya?”

“Wha-what do you mean?” V’s confidence stuttered to an abrupt stop. 

“Alt has already split us. Once you jacked into Mikoshi, she lit you up with Soulkiller.” Johnny explained flatly. 

“Wait. I know this...You mean I.. am I a construct?” V could feel panic rising up her through her chest.

‘Uh huh, same as me.” Still. Cool as ever, shades on and avoiding eye contact. Smile had faded into a flatline.

“That’s funny, Johnny. Got any more jokes?” V replied sarcastically.

“I mean it, V. She followed you in my footsteps. Next steps to copy you into your gonk brain.” 

“Wait hold on. I wanna know what the hell happened to me exactly!”

ALT buzzed in “I applied Soulkiller, separating your two psyches, thereby creating V’s distinct construct. An added analgesic protocol was precluded for any perception of pain. I was unable to eliminate all the changes made through the Johnny data incursion and overwrite, but V’s engram integrity remains high.”

“Meaning, you can transfer her psyche back into her brain.” As Johnny waved, still in the booth.

“As if onto a blank, virgin partition.” ALT added

“You two still plan to obliterate Mikoshi?” V started to shrink in the booth, feeling less and less like they were winning.

“Mhm. It’s gotta burn.” Johnny looked away from the booth, off in the distance.

“What about everyone locked up there?” V questioned. 

ALT replied “ I will free them, take them with me.” Her voice hollow, uncaring, robotic.

V exploded at ALT. “Cut the crap. You’ll gobble ‘em up like too many morsels of code, make ‘em part of you. Just like Delamain wanted with his personalities.”

“V...As if they could hope for anything better. C’mon, they’re all just prisoners of Arasaka.” Johnny said coolly. He seemed so distant. So different now. Like he was a muted, scripted version of what he had been in her head. 

“So, that’s really it. We’re done. You kept your word.” V breathed out, like a whisper onto herself. A knife to heart had started its descent. She knew there was still more, something that hadn’t been revealed.

ALT interrupted, “There is one aspect I failed to take into account.”

“ALT? What?” This time. It was Johnny asking. ALT’s admission melting away his facade.

“The body. A key factor in this transaction. DNA reconfiguration by the Relic has progressed too far. Added to aggressive, invasive medications, the body’s immune system attacking its own neurons…” ALT droned on.

V, exhausted from ALT’s technobabble. “Fuck already, ALT! Save me the technical bullshit and skip to the end?”

“After I transfer your construct into your body, you will die. It is inevitable. It is imminent.”

“No. No way. That was not our deal.” V rejected ALT’s comment.

ALT continued, without emotion, “You shall live for about 6 months, perhaps somewhat more.”

“But it’s my body.” V fought.

“The biochip’s nanites have altered it permanently. The body is now Johnny’s as was the Relics purpose.” ALT added.

“No, no, no...there’s gotta be something. Something we haven’t thought of.” V pleaded.

“That’s enough now, ALT. V and I will need a minute alone.” Johnny took control, shoulders slumping. Sitting forward to the table, feet now on the floor. ALT dissolved and appeared in the distance. V stood up and walked from the table and then sliding down against some wall that had appeared. Forehead resting upon her knees. 

“I can’t believe this. Everything we did. It was all pointless.” V said miserably, defeat in her voice.

Johnny had pulled up a chair and sat on backwards, facing her. Johnny’s heart went out to his beautiful, fierce V. He couldn’t keep up the wall he erected to protect her from his feelings anymore. “No, V. Not pointless.” Johnny reached out and drew her hair away from her face and behind her ear. “You’ll live. V. Take back your life. The six months you’ve got left. You’ve fought hard for everyone. For me. Take back your life, for you.” Johnny smiled through his code, breath hitching. “Please for me.”

“But, where’s she even going to take you, Johnny?” V exclaimed.

“I’m going to stick with ALT, fuck knows where. Beyond the Blackwall, to become part of her, maybe? Whatever the hell that means. But, you are keeping your body.” Johnny said, trying suddenly not to make eye contact. He swallowed hard, fear and loss trying to suffocate him.

“Do you even know what it's like, beyond the Blackwall?” V struggled to find a way to understand why Johnny was giving up.

“Assuming I don’t lose my fuckin’ mind?” Trying to stay calm for V. He was losing something too. He looked back at V, memorizing everything about her. 

“What about hanging around as a construct? Just till we find another way?” V begged. It had finally sunk in. His behaviour and what he was saying. He was going to lose. Choosing it. For her. He had announced it at the Pistis Sophia hotel. He would take the bullet for her. And he was ready.

“Finding another way would mean makin’ a deal with ‘Saka. I’ll pass. ” His voice was firm. Dispassionate. “Fuck, to be a shapeless shadow in a digital afterlife… Really, think I’d rather die.”

“ALT said I have six months. We can find a solution. We will have more time. Please, Johnny. Give it a change. ALT can put you back in my body. I’ll be the construct. I’ll take the bullet. ” V pleaded.

V turned on ALT. “What’s beyond the Blackwall anyways?”

ALT replied “It is the ultimate freedom from the body’s limitations, from the base worries of life in the world. It is a new perspective on all. Free of all human burdens.”

“Pfft! No, I’d rather be left with fading human memories… of sharing a bed, head splitting hangovers, sea breeze on my face, sun’s heat on my shoulders, a kiss… No. Johnny, ALT wants more. There’s more we aren’t seeing. She’s not telling us everything.”

“I have the inability to lie.” ALT stated. 

“Is there really no other way, ALT?” V begged on her hands and knees for another solution. There was something she was missing. Something scratched at the back of her brain.

“As I said, Johnny can retain the body, while you come with me.” ALT pushed again.

“Guess I meant, ALT... I dunno. A happier ending for everyone involved? You got what you wanted, into Arasaka. The destruction of Mikoshi. The absorption of the constructs in Mikoshi’s mainframe. But, the end results for both Johnny and I are not as expected.” V rounded on ALT.

And that was the deception. ALT doesn’t lie. She withholds. V had nailed it. ALT wanted more data, more personality constructs. It was time for V to make her final stand. Against the AI that quickly took her soul, but now aimed to take her heart too. She’d save her and Johnny. _Fucking ex-output._

ALT continued “Yet, the right to make a choice you have earned, through pure will and endeavor. This bridge leads deeper into cyberspace. Cross it and permanently sever the connection with your body. The path to your body passes through the mortal well.” She directed to the different areas of the platform where a tub had risen from the stage. V felt like she was being rushed.

V wasn’t done yet. “ALT, if you were me, heh… what would you do?”

“The choice is clear. You should come with me.” ALT stated.

“What does that mean for me, exactly? Am I gonna… become like you?” V demanded.

“I was a netrunner. I understood how to survive. I cannot speak for you. Beyond the Blackwall, dangers lurk, it is no sanctuary. But, it's better to be a free spirit shredded than to wither, trapped in a dying body.” ALT commented.

“Don’t do it, V. You’ve been runnin’ from this all along. It’ll change you. You won’t be you anymore.” Johnny finally spoke after listening to the exchange. He wouldn’t allow V to take his place. For ALT to take her. _To change her._

“And you! You are not a netrunner. You are a rockstar. A free spirit. People looked up to you. And now, you will just quietly walk across that bridge?” V directed at Johnny. She had to get him to fight. There’s a solution or at least something to give them more time, she just couldn’t think of it yet.

“Already took that first step a while ago. I’ll have an easier go at it. This is my choice.” Johnny removed his aviators and looked at V. Touched her hand. Her heart. 

“I said back at the hotel; I would take a bullet for you.… I said I wanted you to have my body… I can’t do it... I just can not do it… This isn’t the bullet I thought I’d be saving you from...I’m sorry.” V cried through her tears. At least ALT let her have that. 

“Don’t apologize. We knew all along this is how it would play out.” Johnny could feel tears escape his eyes as he turned to the well. V stood and approached the well, Johnny already sitting on the edge of it. The water somehow rippled in the well. ALT was all too quiet...

“I mean, Shit. I’m about to shred a lover and a chunk of my own soul in one fuckin’ go. You got no idea what that shit feels like.” V was desperate. Anything to buy time. To save him. 

“Hmm. Sounds kinda familiar. We know that attitude… See, V? Stayin’ with you whether you like it or not.” Johnny knew what she was doing. It killed him to see her try so hard to save him. To convince ALT, as if there was another way. He’d spent weeks thinking about it. ALT would have given him whatever chance he could, if it was possible. He believed that.

V finally sat down next to him, putting together the pieces of the path that led her to this moment. All the planning. The lives that were put on the line. The tech that was destroyed. 

“Wait the tech… the shard! You don’t need a body! I was able to bring ALT here on Dakota’s shard. It's in Mikoshi. We are split, ALT could put you back on the shard. It is a new technology. You’ll be stable while we find a solution.” That was it. She just said it, but no one was listening. V was livid. “For fuck sakes! Don’t surrender. You’re not even trying.” V screamed to the ceiling. “ALT! You know what I am saying. Don’t be deceptive. Don’t take his life. You must still have a shred of humanity left in you. Don’t deny him a chance to live. You selfish, murderous bitch! We trusted you! HE TRUSTS YOU. IN YOU!”

V accidentally slipped back and off the side of the well and into the tub of it. Johnny got up and repositioned himself on the long side to look V in the eye one last time as she tried to recover in the tub. He lowered a kiss to her forehead. “Y’know, you taught me to let go sometimes, save my strength for one last big bang.” 

Pushing V under with a small sad smile on his face, like a priest baptising a sinner.

“Goodbye, V. And never stop fighting.”

V reached up through the water. _No Johnny… No._ As water filled her lungs and the world tilted around her. Cyberspace bled black and blue and she fell, breathing in the darkness.

+++++

Panam sat on the side of the coolant pool. Blue light reflecting up, creating a pale wash to the room. She was watching V float, making sure her head didn’t slip under. _V sure looks lifeless_ , Panam thought. No. She wouldn’t think that. V was going to come back. She wouldn’t lead them all down this road, this fight to almost certain death, just to willingly die here. To leave Panam alone, here. V was the closest friend Panam had ever had. Like a sister. Fuck, she was her sister. Panam, couldn’t afford to lose V. After some time had passed, V’s body started to shudder violently and plunged under the surface. Panam quickly jumped into the pool, fully clothed, pulling V out, just as V started gasping, struggling. 

“V! Fuck, V! I’m here. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

“Panam… Johnny… oh my God, Panam… “

And just as fast as she awoke, V passed out. Panam heard a voice boom in the room just as before, like a commanding deity.

“I will keep the way clear for you to get to safety, but you must go now. I will not be able to keep the automated droids offline for long.”

V came around again. Panting. “Panam… grab the shard... the one.... from camp… don’t leave it...in Mikoshi.” V faded out again and went still. Lights in the room flickered and the coolant moat colour changed to orange. Panam could feel that it was a warning to go. She dragged V out of the pool onto the steel floor and readjusted her grip. The slick coolant was making everything so slippery but at least with the straps of V’s Aldecaldos jacket she had something to hold on to. She scrambled over to the Mikoshi monolith pulling the shard and slipping it into her breast pocket. Then carefully hauled V’s unconscious form over her shoulder and jogged out of the room, all too eager to be rid of Arasaka tower. Not sparing a second glance to the technology that threatened to kill V. Not stopping to look at the dead assassin in the doorway, the murderer of hundreds including Johnny Silverhand. 

The whole run to get out was eerily quiet. Walking past frozen, orange lit robots and drones, the corridors were lifeless. The bodies of Arasaka guards, laid dead on the floor and the audible hum of the machines could be heard. Panam had never been so uncomfortable and scared in her entire life. She was eager to return to the outside world, the sun and dust on her skin, the wind in her hair. It was right then and there she decided, it was time to plan the clan’s escape from Night City.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.”~ anonymous

V woke up a few days later. The smell of Vik’s ripperdoc clinic always hit her first when she came to visit. It was no different waking up here. Antiseptic. Synthohol. Iron. Leather and after shave. 

It was dark in the corner she was resting in. V blinked away her cloudy vision and lifted her hand to her head, touching the throbbing headache in the spot that she usually felt Johnny’s presence in. _Johnny… fuck. What happened… to Johnny…._ She felt so cold and alone… V, panting, wrapped her arms around her midsection, trying to stop the shaking that was starting to take hold of her…

“V?” Vik peered around the corner of the recovery room at his clinic. “Just take it slow.” As he advanced on her, his eyes scanned her for abnormalities. Vik hand her a towel. “Here, use this. Your nose is bleeding.”

“Vik. What happened?... How did I get here?... Where’s Panam? The clan?” Each question came on with a growing alarm.

“Easy. Easy, V… Panam is just fine, she’s back in the badlands. She got you out safely and brought you here. She stayed for a couple days, but had to return, you’ve been here for three and half days. I’ve been monitoring your recovery. You were nearly gone when she arrived.”

“Fuck…am I normal?” V asked, not really wanting the answer. 

“Well, your psyche seems to be back to a bachelor apartment. But, I’m afraid the apartment is condemned. V, you are still dying. Not quite at the rate you have been progressing over the past weeks, but the damage is more than I or anyone I know, can repair.”

“ _Sigh_... Thanks, Vik.” V moved to get up, shakily. It was pretty much what ALT had said. She hadn’t lied.

“Where do you think you are going? You are in no shape to be moving right now.” Vik stood, arms crossed, watching V struggling to get to her feet.

“If I can make it to the bathroom on my own, will you let me go home? Misty can give me a ride.” V stated flatly. She didn’t care what anyone thought anymore. She felt so empty. Like a cavernous void was opening up and threatening to swallow her.

“Fine. But, I’m calling Panam.” Vik mumbled.

“Bah. You know she is going to hound me. I need.. I need to go home.” V stood on her feet, glad that her implants weren’t ‘ganic. She could count on them to work, regardless of disuse. But, anything that wasn’t organic, was aching to high hell. Like she was burning and being stretched at the same time.

“I know, V. But, we have been all living on the edge, waiting to see you recover. And if I don’t tell her, I think she might burn my clinic down when she finds out.” Vik shrugged.

“Right, right. Ok. Just tell her Misty took me home and I’ll check in with her.” V had made it to the bathroom and leaned against the sink. Looking up into the mirror. She saw her face, dark eyes and nice scar over her eyebrow where she caught a quick jab from Adam Smasher. She fingered it gingerly… Reverently. It was evidence of her fight for their survival at Arasaka. The fight wasn’t the nightmare, though. The nightmare came later, after sliding into coolant and jacking into Mikoshi.

A pang from inside her head snapped her out of her daze and moved her on. She collected her stuff from the locker. Someone had washed her clothes... Cleaned her gun. Everything carefully hung, like they knew V was coming back for it. Tears threatened her eyes... _Deep breaths. Deep breaths_ … V left the bathroom, said goodbye to Vik and promised to check in later. Misty was waiting at the door, to take her arm and to take her home. 

_Alone._


	3. Chapter 3

V stood at the threshold of her apartment, key in hand, staring at the closed door. Last time she was here, she was getting ready to meet Hanako. The backup solution to saving her life by making a deal with the Arasaka bitch, as Johnny called her. It felt like a lifetime ago. Johnny had argued and complained about her getting ready, all the while, never taking his eyes from her. Never glitching out once. She wanted to be taken seriously at this meeting and Johnny had never seen her dressed up, so she just took a little extra care and time getting ready. Teasing him, really. Doing up her hair, shadowing her eyes, glossing her lips. She strutted around the apartment, showing off the ruby coloured bodycon dress she had picked up from Zane after saving the clerk from a cyberpsychosis attack. Trying different pairs of heels that accented her long legs and perky ass. V closed her eyes, remembering the feel of Johnny’s hand along her skin as he slowly zipped up the side of the dress. The way he had become so silent, turning her into his arms. He pulled her so close, feeling his body hard against hers. He softly kissed her bare shoulders, up her neck and along her chin. Johnny lightly brushed his lips against hers, lightly tasting her and teasing her to complete the kiss. He kissed her again, more firm, more passion as he ran his hand up her back to her neck. It was the closest to heaven V thought she’d ever know. The rockerboy had changed from the first time they’d met, and with that kiss, she knew he had changed her forever too.. 

V took a deep breath, shaking herself from the memory and entered, quickly turning around on the closing door. Not willing to look at the space that she now considered their home. Slowly, keeping her eyes on the floor, V turned around, trying to even out her ragged breaths. She then raised her eyes and locked on the Samurai T shirt that she’d been sleeping in, hanging on the corner of the couch where Johnny usually sat. The t-shirt Johnny had urged her to buy when they were tracking down the bootleg copies of Johnny’s band, Samurai. Johnny was always questioning her. Planning and arguing with her. Playing for her… and now, just a deafening silence. Tears escaped her eyes, tracked down her cheeks. Her legs gave out on her and she slumped to the floor, back against the door. She finally gave herself permission to let the storm of sadness capsize her.. She laid down on her side, curled into a ball and let go. She sobbed for the loss of Jackie, her partner from the botched heist for the chip. She screamed for how brutally unfair life had been, and now was leaving her for death on the side road. And for Johnny. Her Johnny. She cried silently for him. The agony of his absence, so severe, she couldn’t get air into her lungs to give sound to the heartbreak deep inside. 

At some point, V had fallen into an unrestful sleep. She woke in the darkness to the dull, blue glow of 10:30 pm on her bedside clock, illuminating the room. V sat up and looked at her phone. Messages from Vik, Panam and Judy all scrolled across the screen. She messaged Judy, Panam and Vik, telling them she was ok and that she’d come by in the next day or so. And then she found Dumdum’s inhaler. Almost empty. _It will do for tonight…_

The next day, another message came in from Panam. V stored her message, inhaler in hand, _I’ll respond later._

> _Hey V.  
>  Call me._

A day passed, uneventful and dark. _Is the heat on? It feels blissfully cool._ Another message from Panam. Not that V noticed. 

> _V, call me. I want to know you are ok._

V laid on the bed, watching the ceiling fan spin. Inhaler discarded next to the bed. Johnny’s Malorian rested in her hand. Another day gone. _Did I turn the lights on today?_

> _V, if you don’t call me, I’m not giving you back your stuff. Don’t be an ass and message me. I want to hear your voice. You owe me that. Call me._

V had lost track of how many days it had been since waking up in Vik’s clinic _...3 days… Maybe 4?_ As she counted on her fingers... She re-read the message, and it gave her pause. _What stuff?_ V usually travelled pretty light. She didn’t remember leaving anything there when they were staging the attack on Arasaka. Although, given her last days, she wasn’t sure she trusted her memory. V stripped off the clothes she’d been laying in for days and showered. Picking up the Samurai t-shirt and sliding it over her wet hair and body, it was all she could manage. Exhaustion was taking hold as her unfocused gaze locked onto the forgotten inhaler. _Slow down, V._ As her fist clenched and unclenched. She took a deep breath and then released it. She repeated the breath again and then punched in Panam’s holo number.

“Hello? V?” Panam’s squinting face appeared.

“Hey Panam. Yea, it’s me.”

“Oh thank fuck. You know how scared you’ve had me?” Panam scolded.

“Ya. Sorry. I didn’t mean to. I got home and fell asleep. Feel a little better.” V lied.

“Well you look like shit. I’m coming over.”

“Panam, it's ok. I’m just tired. My place is a mess.”

“I don’t care about that, I live in a camp in the badlands, or have you forgotten? Besides, I didn’t realize this till later but I have the shard that you asked me to pull from Mikoshi.”

“Oh. Right…It’s not of any use now. To be honest, I barely remember anything after jacking into the blasted tower.” She lied again. It was mostly clear and driving a knife through her heart.

“Ok. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m already on my way. See you soon.” _Click._

_Fuck._ V didn't want company. She didn’t want anything but darkness. Nothingness. She just wanted to drift off and lose herself. Forget the pain. The loss. She remembered Johnny saying _“Take back your life.”_ It was so hard right now to see what was left to take back. She wanted to give up. Tired, her whole body ached. V slid off the side of the bed onto the floor to pet Nibbles, their hairless cat. “I guess you’re still here. Probably would eat me, though, given the chance. Like ALT… Sorry Nibbles, I didn't mean it. You are nothing like ALT.”

_Uhh.._ V rubbed her face. _What a shit show._ V began to remember yesterday _or was it the day before?_...Shaking her head. She had run into Barry, the ex-NCPD badge that lived below her, when she was almost stoned beyond reason. He took one look at her face and just sighed “I’ve been where you are, V. You just gotta think that they’re in a better place now. When I get low, I go and talk to Andrew. I’m heading there now. Come with me. ” And because V was just along for the ride and not thinking anything through, she agreed. 

They arrived at the Columbarium, and V stared at the colossal structure through her hazy vision, head smudging the car window. Barry pulled her out gently and led V slowly, arm in arm, through the massive walls of niches, glowing with blue neon, memorializing the dead. He finally stopped in front of Andrew’s with a small smile, and kneeled down. “Hey buddy…” V decided to stand back and and give the burly man a minute, she instead went to take a look around.

She stumbled past wall after wall, avoiding eye contact with other visitors and trying to look as sober as possible. She stopped by Jackie Welles’s niche, her old partner, and kissed her fingertips and then the niche. Remembering him in what was left of her heart. She walked past Evelyn Parker’s memorial, just smiled and shook her head. Refusing to think about that linchpin and the mess she had made. She then found herself at the rear of the building. _Go figure, even in death the richest assholes gather together._ The area was more open, lit up and had benches for people to sit and remember the dead. V walked along reading the different names, although she couldn’t remember who they were. That is until she reached the left wall. There almost at the end was Alt Cunningham’s name glowed in blue with the words _Never Fade Away_ underneath, marking her final resting place. _Well, isn’t that nice_...V thought, trying not to be bitter. It was then she looked up with a heavy heart and read the niche diagonally from it.

_Well, fuck._ V dropped to her knees gasping for air as the world fell away. She felt as if someone had just taken a knife to her stomach and opened her up wide. The pain in her chest doubled her over, making her weep towards the ground as her tears fell to the dark granite floor. She looked up through her misty vision and rested a hand on the niche of one Robert John Linder, better known as Johnny Silverhand. Large tears ran down her face as she sobbed, grieving the man she had taken into her heart, a man that few people truly knew. She never thought to look for him here. Up until this point, he didn’t feel dead to V, just gone. The niche continued below his name, _A son of bitch who never gave up. A legend among legends._ Long ago, someone had cared enough for Johnny, who knew him before the fame, to have put a niche for him here. She folded her over her heart as she sat still, mourning the loss. _Oh Johnny, how I miss you._

Barry had found V later, on a bench across from Robert’s stone, asleep. He noticed the tear stained tracks on her cheeks and dog tags clenched in her fists, while she slept. His heart went out to her, clearly his little friend was going through a rough time. He gathered her up in his arms, took her home and set her asleep in her bed. _Goodnight little V_. Then locked the door behind him.

Some time passed as V stared out the window. Didn’t even hear Panam pounding on the door or calling her on the holo. When Panam finally breached the door, she ran over to V, kneeling in front of her. Shaking her.

“V! What the fuck?!” Panam exclaimed.

Slowly, Panam came into focus.

“Panam? I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” V leaned forward and started crying on Panam’s shoulder. Panam had no idea, what the fuck was going on. But clearly, V was broken. She let V cry herself out and then sat her back against the wall.

“V, I think it is time you told me what really happened. The whole story. The truth, ‘cause clearly, you need help.” Panam declared. It pained her to see her V suffering. She was usually the paragon of optimism. She barely recognized the shell of a woman in front of her. 

“Ok. But it's a long story.” V sighed, hiccuping and wiping the tears from her cheeks. She folded her legs under her. 

“That’s ok, I’m not going anywhere. Start and I’ll make some tea.” Panam said softly. So afraid that V would stop talking and crumble.

V relayed the last few weeks in more detail than she had told anyone. Thoughts, feelings. _Shit._ There was stuff she wasn’t sure Johnny had known, but after it was out, she felt purged. Certainly her sinuses felt a little less stuffy. She hiccuped through the telling of her experience inside Mikoshi. The memories left her feeling so raw, she felt the tears threatening to drown her again. When she finished, V took a deep breath and half smiled at Panam, with too bright eyes. 

“Shit V. Damn, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“It's ok. Not your fault. But thank you for coming.” V meant it. She was relieved now that she wasn’t alone with her feelings.

“Anytime, V. I had some other news to tell you days ago, but you wouldn’t call me back. But, the clan is planning to leave Night City. After Arasaka, which is DOA now by the way, we felt that our safety was more and more in jeopardy the longer we stayed. We’ve decided as a whole, that it's time to return to Arizona.” Panam relayed gently, there was still more. “We are working on collecting gear before making the border crossing. We want you with us, V. We’re your family, it's time to come home.”

V took a deep breath as she digested Panam’s news. She looked around her dimly lit apartment with its grunge floors, cracked ceiling and noisy neighbours. All she saw was the ghost of Johnny flitting through her memories. _Maybe it is time. If I’m just going through the motions, at least I can be of some help to those who had helped me._

“Ahhh...I can’t make a decision right this second. But I promise to help with gear. When are you going out next?” V asked bravely.

“Tomorrow. I had hoped you would actually put me up for a couple days as we scrounge around Night City. Dakota sent me some leads for some decent tech.”

“Ya sure, stay here. Probably for the best anyways.” Panam’s presence comforted V. Maybe she could keep her distracted enough to heal her wounds. 

“Why don’t you go grab us some food for dinner, and I’ll tidy up in here.” Panam suggested as she looked around. Her camp was definitely cleaner than this. But, a quick tidy would help bring some visual order that might help V recover.

“Sure. Thanks Panam.” V threw on some clothes, grabbed her credit chip and headed out the door. 

V returned with some take out containers, laying out the feast on her sitting table and plunked down on the couch. Panam shrugged out of her jacket, dumping the contents of her pockets onto the desk and sat down next to her.

“Holy shit, V. This is enough food for 4 people? It’s like you haven’t eaten in days!” Panam said with a snort.

“Ya. Maybe I did get carried away.” V shrugged, staring into her take out container. She wasn’t completely sure when she had last eaten..

Panam read the thought that V had shrugged through and replied with “Oh.” It probably had been days. 

Panam turned on the radio to break the awkward silence that had descended upon the apartment. She started tapping her foot humming along to the radio and then stopped dead. V had frozen in place and her eyes had glazed over. It registered to Panam that it was an old Samurai song playing on the radio. It was Johnny’s voice and guitar playing, filling the room. V snapped out of it, robotically stood and strode into her armoury. She returned with a gold plated bat and unceremoniously smashed the radio to bits. Pieces flew everywhere and the sound warped then went silent. Panam watched in utter disbelief, V was losing it. V gingerly brushed her hair back, returned the bat to the armoury. She then sat back down to her dinner and smiled manically at Panam. 

“So we are hunting tomorrow, eh?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I realized I was thinking of you, and I began to wonder how long you’d been on my mind. Then it occurred to me: Since I met you, you’ve never left.”~ anonymous

Two days later, Panam and V were planning their last run for gear. Reports of Millitech’s movements in the badlands had begun to show more patrols. Panam knew time was short but wanted to make sure V was ready to agree to leaving with them. She had seen improvement in V’s appearance. She was eating a little bit more, the dark circles under her eyes weren’t as dark. She was showering everyday, before and after the excursions. And most importantly, there hadn’t been anymore ‘smashing’ outbreaks. Although she had noticed that V seemed to seek shoot outs and fist fights frequently when sourcing gear, she wasn’t entirely sure if that was something new. Panam started the conversation about the plan for the day when V came out of the shower. 

“Hey, how are you feeling today?”

“I’m ok. Feeling steady. What are we doing today?” V slid into a pair of blue pants and threw on a white netrunner tank. Still barefoot on the floor, water dripping from her towel dried hair. 

“Well, today is our last day for ‘supply’ run. But... I don’t know if you are up to this one. Might be too close to home for you.”

“Nah, it's ok. Panam. I don’t think anything could set me off now. What are we talking? Gang boss? Millitech stash?” V saw the wariness in Panam’s face. She was always an easy read. “What?”

Panam started slowly, gauging V’s reaction. “So, when we were in Arasaka tower, I picked up a keycard. It was a couple days later I found it and I couldn’t remember how I got it. I didn’t know what it was to, or who I got it off so I had Dakota run it. It's an access key, but the computer didn’t say where. But here’s the kicker, written across the card was the word ‘Ebunike’. Now, we knew the Mayor’s last name had been Ebunike but when we searched the name it came up as a ship currently docked in the Night City, north of Watson. Apparently, the boat belongs to...” Panam relayed with excitement until V interrupted her.

“Adam Smasher.” V said with stillness staring straight through the armoury door. A chill ran across Panam’s neck as she saw V’s face go white. “The tech assassin I killed trying to get to Mikoshi. Johnny’s murderer.”

“V, look at me. V… Look. At. Me..” Panam desperately tried to get V’s attention. “If you aren’t up to going, I completely understand. I can send Mitch and a couple guys in to wipe out the Maelstrom gang that’s holding the docks. They can collect anything from the gang and everything on the ship. There’s a good chance there’s some ‘preem gear on there. And.. and we could really use it...” Panam trailed off. V had dropped her towel on the floor and once again entered the armoury without a sound. 

“V?” Panam asked with trepidation.

V returned, dressed in black leather pants and boots with an armour vest under a Samurai jacket. A katana strapped to a bullet studded belt, hung low on her hips. The largest shotgun with the word “Carnage” painted across it, strapped over her back. She was armed to the teeth. Eyes focused, clear and direct, V was staring at another large gun in her hands. Panam recognized the gun with alarm. She had put it away days ago when she found it in V’s bed while V had left for food. 

“V?” she asked again, cautiously.

“This is Johnny’s gun.” As V ran it through the slinging action, reloading it through its orbital frame and checking the weight in her hands. “A Malorian 3516, Johnny had it commissioned.” A small sad smile crossed her lips as she tucked it into the holster strapped to her thigh. V looked up into Panam’s eyes, left hand on the katana. “No one… absolutely fuckin’ no one, steps onto the ship without me. I’m first in.”

Panam’s jaw had been hanging open. Awed at the transformation in V. She was slightly intimidated. “Yea no problem, V. Ahh...When did you want to go?”

“Now.” As she strode out the door, grabbing the keycard and papers Panam had discarded on the desk days ago.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My mind knows I cannot have you but that doesn’t stop it from dreaming of all the ways that I could.” S.L. Gray

V chewed through the Maelstrom blockade, viciously and without restraint. Bodies were dropping even before she reached the front gate. Some of the goons recognized her from a couple weeks ago, when she and Rogue had raided the docks to find Adam. This time, it didn’t matter if they recognized her or not, they would all die under her blade. 

Time slowed as her katana relieved the bodies of their heads before they could even ring off a shot. Panam and the boys from the camp couldn’t keep up, didn’t need to. They just started loading the trucks up with guns, ammo, and anything else that looked useful for their long journey ahead. V had been skilled with the katana before meeting Johnny, but with the amount of fighting she had to do, it made the blade upkeep impractical. During those gigs, she had resorted to shotguns and a favourite gold bat. But now, the katana was an extension of her just as the Malorian had been an extension of Johnny. She reached the side of the large cargo ship and scaled it in just a few jumps, landing softly on the deck. She knew the bastard owner was dead, but it didn’t stop her from being cautious. 

After clearing the ship and laying open containers, she sat down on top of the captain’s fly deck, chin on her knee with her other leg dangling over the side. She watched the Aldecaldos packing up their biggest haul. V felt empty. Why she had expected to feel anything more, just confused her now. It wasn’t like she could kill Adam all over again. Or storm Arasaka, to take back what was lost. She stared down at her hands, the Malorian shining in the setting sun. _Sigh_. She wanted to burn it all down. Maybe blow up the ship. Maybe seeing it sink to the bottom of the canal would ease the rapidly building pain in her chest. 

_Klang, klang_. 

V snapped out of her thoughts and looked down to see Mitch and Panam staring up at her. Mitch had rapped on the wall with a hammer. _How long had she been zoning out?_

“Hey! Your woolgathering won’t get this door down here open any faster. Feel like giving us a hand?” Mitch always razed her. V just smiled and nodded. At least he was consistent. He didn’t use ‘kid’ gloves around her. 

“What door? I’ve been through the entire ship.”

“Well, you missed a room. We moved some crates at the back of the main deck revealing a door with a scanner pad. Panam says you may have the access card.” 

“Oh...shit. My bad. Show me where.” V leapt from her perch down to her friends, and followed them around the back of the ship to the black door. She waved the card over the keypad and the red light turned green, releasing the lock and sliding open. 

“Pretty impressive entry. High tech for a floating rust bucket.” Mitch commented.

V crossed the threshold with her katana at the ready. She wouldn’t have put it past the bastard to lay traps for unsuspecting looters. V entered while motioning Panam and Mitch to stay back until she had cleared it. The room was dark upon entry but red lights flickered to life over glass showcases of heavy tech armour and assorted mismatched weapons . A desk stood to the side facing to the rear of the room, away from the door. The son of a bitch liked to look at the weapons of his slayed opponents. V circled the room, once assured that there were no traps and motioned to Mitch and Panam to enter.

“Ok guys. Take it all. I don’t want any of it, I don’t want to know what came from this room or who it belonged to. Ever.” V scanned the room, placed the keycard in Panam’s hand, shrugged and left. It was then that the darkness of Adam’s cave gave way to amber and purple sky. She stood at the rail opposite the door, watching the last sliver of the sun disappear beyond the horizon. Staring at the city, it reflected like a jewel in the rising moonlight. It was over. Night City had taken everything from her. Stripped and abused, leaving her a hollow shell. She leaned against the rail, looking down at the water, listening to the waves crashing against the hull. 

“Hey, V?” Panam quietly stepped out of the room, while Mitch exited behind her hands full loot. 

“Yeah?” V stiffened, rising from her thoughts and turning to Panam.

“There’s a number pad at the back of the room. Can you take a look at it? Figured your Kiroshi eye implants might be able to breach it.”

“Ya, no problem. I’ll take a look.” V returned to Adam’s trophy hideaway, trying her best to avoid looking at the armour once used to protect Adam. Sure enough, there was a keypad blending into the wall. V focused on it, scanning it to breach. An elite Arasaka model, and V couldn’t disable it. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket, turning her back on the wall. She fingered a piece of paper and dragged it out. Written on the paper were two lines.

> _Greyson, memorize and destroy.  
>  082023_

V’s hands shook. _Could it really be that simple?_ V turned around, returned to the keypad and punched in the day when the Arasaka tower had collapsed. The keypad lit up blue, and the doors began to slide open from the centre. V, raised her katana to guard and stood in the center of the entrance to meet whatever Adam was protecting behind the heavy doors. They gave way and slid silently to the side, slowly revealing a dark glass enclosure. V could hear machines hum to the right of the enclosure and scanned them for their purpose. Again, nothing revealed, but she did see a switch. She activated it and resumed her guard. Slowly, the enclosure lit up revealing its secrets. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panam, Mitch and V open the secret chamber on the Ebunike. What horrors did Adam Smasher have hidden away? What will the Aldecaldos be able to salvage this time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “One day you will kiss a man you can't breathe without, and find that breath is of little consequence.”~ Karen Marie Moning

It was clear now that the area was not so much a room as it was a tank. As the lights got brighter V dropped to her knees, katana clattering to the floor, hands falling to her sides. She stared up, with tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“Johnny.” V whispered reverently in the dark. 

Floating suspended in the blue water was the body of Johnny Silverhand. Perfectly preserved... 

_Alive._

Tubes sprung from his lifeless body, like black rubber octopus legs, connecting him to machines that preserved him. The humming of the machines, the vision of Johnny’s static body rendered V motionless. His lean frame, pale and lifeless, looked unchanged from her memories. _Afraid to move. Was this a dream, or a nightmare?_  
“V, did you get that door?” Panam rounded the corner into the room. Pulling up quickly as she saw V on the floor and the body of Johnny Silverhand in a suspended animation tank. “Oh. My. God. V…” Panam ran up to V, and pulled her close. She understood the nightmarish scenario her friend had fallen into. Had this been before they stormed Arasaka, they could have just loaded Johnny back into his body after some modifications. But now, Johnny was gone, past the Blackwall with ALT. Panam held V and rocked her as she began to sob. Sympathetic tears filled Panam’s eyes, she just couldn’t understand how life could keep backhanding V. And yet, everytime, V brushed herself off and started walking again. She was coming around again, after waking up twelve days ago to a world that had told her of her imminent death and that the man who occupied her mind, the man she’d fallen for, had died so that she could enjoy the time she had left. 

“Why? Panam. Why?” Dropping her head into her friend’s shoulder. “I was here just a couple weeks ago. I was right here. So close to him. I questioned Greyson and I let him live. He knew I was looking for Adam Smasher and gave me Johnny’s car. Why not just.. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!” V screamed. 

“V. I can’t imagine what you are feeling right now but we need to think rationally about this. I think we should call Dakota. She’ll know how to handle this.”

“Fine.” V wiped the tears away and stood up, sliding her katana back into its sheath. A numbness settled over her and a plan formed in her mind. “I will call Dakota. Johnny’s body needs to be transferred to a secure location and his condition evaluated. I will not tolerate a single fuck up. I want this room locked and protected at all times. Panam, you know how important this is to me.”

“What are you going to do, V? Wouldn’t it be better that you oversee this?” 

“To be honest, no. I will worry and hover and that won’t produce answers. I need to know why I was lied to. Why Johnny and I were led to believe that he’d been cased in concrete in the oil fields. And… I need to find ALT. She had to have known about this.”

V punched in the number for Dakota. While waiting for her to pick up, she walked over to Johnny’s tank and softly placed her hand on it. She felt a trickle of blood from her nose and then wiped it away with the back of her sleeve.

“Dakota.”

“V. You are lucky I’m taking your call right now after the shit you pulled almost two weeks ago. You blew up my mobile tech lab.”

“I’m sorry. I had thought I'd give you some time and find some way to pay you back for your kindness. Sadly, today is not that day.”

“If you are calling me because you want something, you aren’t starting off very well.”

“Dakota, are you watching the holo? Are we on a secure channel?”

“Yes.”

“What I’m about to show you...I-I need to trust you with something that I need you to handle discreetly and immediately. I cannot have any mistakes. I want you to oversee this personally.”

“That will depend on what it is, V.”

V took a step back and panned the camera over the machines, the tank finally resting on Johnny’s face. She said nothing. Heard nothing. 

“You got that, Dakota?”

“Send me the coordinates. I will arrange transportation to a secure location. And ensure that the goods stay secure.”

“Good. There is a long story to this. And it's my story. The goods will not be changing hands.”

“Understood. I will send you updates frequently during the transfer. See you soon…sister.” Dakota ended the call.

V leaned her head against the tank. She really wasn’t sure what her goal was now. She knew she couldn’t leave him here though. His body had survived. In fact, it didn’t look like it had aged at all. She couldn’t, wouldn’t just pull the plug either, she needed time after seeing his face again. The longer she stood there, the more her blood boiled at the thought of what had been done to Johnny and the lies that had been spun. She started for the door.

“V, I’m worried for you. How are you going to find the answers you are searching for?” Panam asked with apprehension. 

Stopping mid stride, V turned her head back to her friend, “I’m going to burn this city down… One street at a time.” And with that she disappeared into the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V has stalked Greyson for days, hunting and wreaking havoc in his life. She now closes in for the kill...
> 
> I hated this bastard, writing this chapter was a pleasure, for both me and V.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Nobody looks good in their darkest hours. But it's those hours that make us what we are.”~ KNM

Greyson ran as fast as he could, but his leather corpo kicks didn’t give him much purchase. As he rounded the corner of a building, he tripped on the wet, broken pavement, tearing the skin on his hands and the knees of his pants. He stumbled back to his feet, favouring his hands, not bothering to brush the dirt from his clothes. The rain poured down like unquenched rage as he ducked into the alley, running to a chain link fence at the other end. _Damn it!_ Despite his pulling and rattling, the lock on the old door in the fence held firm. He knew it was too late to retrace his steps, so he tried climbing. He could feel her baring down on him. Hear her heels strike the pavement slowly as she advanced. Mantis blades slicing through the air, cutting the rainfall. Unable to scale the fence any higher with his damaged hands and fancy shoes, Greyson slipped down the fence, falling onto his back. _Shit._

He wished he had never met Adam Smasher. He was so relieved when he heard of his demise. Smasher’s enemies would fall away and all the secrets they carried with them. _What a fool I’d been._ When he heard that the Ebunike had been raided for the second time in weeks and stripped to bare steel, he began to worry. He knew Silverhand was preserved in Adam’s mobile office. Adam liked to show him off when he was feeling like he had a win. But, if news of Silverhand’s body being found hadn’t been leaked to the medias yet, that was a problem. As he ran, trying to escape the lethal assassin cloaked in black, he knew she had come to settle the score. She’d been slowly hunting him over the last 36 hrs, standing in the shadows watching as his life imploded in on him. All his assets had been seized. His connections ignored him. It felt like Hell itself was coming for him, calling in his debts. She had shadow stalked him, hiding her face, her cyberware, concealing her identity. Greyson’s lungs heaved as he tried to find his feet. 

“Finding it hard to breath, Greyson?” Her voice pierced the darkness, finding his ear. 

Greyson’s eyes were wild, searching the darkness for the figure that plagued him. Rain soaked hair stuck to his forehead, his suit in ruins from numerous trips and falls, leaving it tattered and frayed.

“I’m sure Silverhand struggled to breathe as Adam Smasher fired point blank, straight into his chest.” Her mantis blades screeched as she let them drag across the brick of the alley wall.

“I... I wasn’t there. I… I didn’t kill him. Smasher was the one. It was his plan. I had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t even THERE!” He exclaimed.

“But, you knew Adam kept his body.” Her voice was so calm, instigating his rising fear. She stood, bending over him, back to the street light, masking her face.

Greyson defended himself, “Not until Ebunike came to Night City. Smasher s-s-aid that he liked to look at h-him, like a prized animal mounted to the...the wall. He showed me a couple times when he was pleased because he...he knew I was a fan. ”

V extended her blades to Greyson’s neck. Her voice low and firm, “Two weeks ago, Rogue Amendaries and a merc visited you. Showed you mercy. Why did you lie about where Silverhand was buried?” 

“Adam had said never to tell anyone about Silverhand’s body or he’d kill me.” Greyson blurted out. _Fuck Smasher and his secrets._ “Smasher disobeyed Saburo the night Johnny died. Instead of destroying the body like instructed, he kept it as a fuckin’ souvenir.” As the truth was finally coming to light, rage pressed against the breakwall of V’s control. 

“You sent them to a fuckin’ oil field, you bloody scop!” Quick as light, V brought her blade down, thinly slicing Greyson’s cheek. She leaned down into his face, kept one blade to his neck and lifted him with her other arm. V’s hood fell back to reveal her face against the pressing rain. 

“You…” Greyson stared in horror at V’s face as his ocular implants divulged her history and identity. His files had collected quite a bit of information on the merc over the last couple weeks. Some information had come by word of mouth, but everything came to the same conclusion- _Lethal._

V replied “Do you have any idea of… of the..hell you, Adam and the rest of the fuckin’ Arasaka have put me through? I have lost everything!” She said bitterly. “ Well, guess what, asshole. I’ve come to take it back.” Fury filled her veins and her vision went crimson, the Overheat quickhack loading and burning through Greyson. 

“What do you want! I’ll give you whatever you want. Please!” Greyson begged and thrashed with Overheat, trying to stay away from the razor sharp blade at his neck. “Do you want eddies? N-no? Famous? ‘Preem chrome?” 

V just stared into his eyes, unresponsive and detached. Greyson’s bloody hands scratched and clawed at the fist holding him captive.

“What? WHAT?” Greyson frantically scanned the alley, looking for something, anything that could help him.. That’s when he noticed graffiti sprawled across the brick walls “I have more info on the gangs than any fixer out there. You c-could rule. Be the queen of Night City’s underworld. Maelstrom, Valentinos, Animals...Tyger Claws…what about Voodoo Boys?...” He begged.

“Info. Now. All of it.” Every second that passed, V’s painful memories of talking to Johnny, sitting in the filthy oil field edged her closer to ending Greyson’s life. She slowly lowered him back down onto his knees.

“H-here...Take this shard. It's a backup of my files. Everything’s there on every Night City gang.” Greyson’s eyes glowed blue for a second as he wirelessly sent the passcode for the shard. V accepted the code and pocketed the shard. “We have a d-deal right? If-if you kill me, people will come after you.”

V dropped Greyson to the pavement and dragged him towards the street. Greyson vomited the contents of his stomach onto the ground, while watching V walk away. _How fortunate_ , he was sure that was it for him. “Ya know, you still have more to lose. What’s that techie’s name? Julia? Judy? And what about that nobody nomad?”

V refused to look back at the scop trying to protect his hide. She wouldn’t let him know just how aware she was of that vulnerability. It was time to move on, lest she lose herself completely. 

In the light of the streetlamp, dressed in a translucent, illuminated jacket, black leather pants and heeled motorcycle boots stood Rogue Amendaries, watching the exchange between V and Greyson with great interest. She had heard that V had been freed of Johnny’s psyche, Rogue felt relieved for V. When V called days afterwards, stating she was going after Greyson and would like Rogue to attend, her interest was piqued. Seeing V now, standing in the rain, dark and menacing, looking every bit like an unforgiving wraith, she wondered really what had been removed from the once-optimistic merc.

“V.” As she crushed her smoke and stepped forward, leaving the light.

“He’s all yours.” V released Greyson, dropping him in a black puddle of unknown fluids and rainwater. She floated by Rogue, jacket lifting in the wind, not stopping for explanations. The queen of The Afterlife was beyond her now. Johnny’s Porsche had remotely arrived and waited for her just beyond the alley. 

Rogue halted V. She gripped her arm firmly and stared her deep in the eye, “Be careful, he wouldn’t have wanted you to die on account of revenge.”

“Goodbye, Rogue.” V said tightly and headed for the car. 

As she passed her key over the ignition, she spared a last glance at Greyson. Rogue stood over his kneeling form, pistol raised in hand. 

Her head throbbed and she broke into a coughing fit. Sharp pains shot up through her chest, as the warm coppery taste of blood invaded her mouth. She knew she was pushing herself over the last few days of hunting... She knew that the Relic would soon consume her... She knew she still had work to do... but she kept believing answers would be on the next horizon... V turned back to the road, flipping on the wipers of the old car. She sighed, feeling the numbness seep in, replacing the retreating fury under her skin. She threw the car into gear, burning out into the night.

_Step one- complete_. Thought V with a small, calculative smile.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “There should be no boundaries to human endeavor. However bad life may seem, there is always hope.”~ Stephen Hawking

Information is only good if you know how to use it, and gangs are only co-operative if you know their pressure points. V’s last interaction with the Voodoo Boys hadn’t ended on the greatest of notes. When she had awoken in the netrunner cooling tub from their first united excursion to the Blackwall, she felt used, and desperate. Betrayed by the leader of the Voodoo Boys. And truly, Maman Brigitte had played her like a fiddle. She had been so frustrated, she didn’t trust herself to make the right decision, so she left the Voodoo Boys lab in peace and fewer words. At the time, she really wanted to wipe the smirk off of Maman Brigitte’s second in command, Placide, when she was leaving. But alas, she had settled for a couple quick verbal jabs on her way out. She didn’t want to sour relations by creating a full out fight.

Now, she was glad for the non-confrontational resolution. It had opened up the avenue for conversation she was arriving for today. The 25k of eddies directly to Maman Brigitte and another 25k spent at vendors answering to the Voodoo Boys probably didn’t hurt either. It didn’t mean much to V, knowing that death would come for her soon. She just hoped it would wait until she could finish her final gig. 

Besides, V actually appreciated what Maman Brigitte was doing, at least in theory. The female netrunner had gathered the refugees of her island, to create a community safe for them to live and survive. She was educated, smart and calculating. She kept the Animals gang at bay and supported her people with whatever sources of income she could manipulate. And in cyberspace, she was formidable. She had vision and drive for a better tomorrow, one where her people didn’t reside in forgotten and crumbling waterfront hotels. V respected what Brigitte had accomplished and would feel better if she was a friend than a foe. V just didn’t like being the one manipulated, so she would go into today’s meeting, this time with eyes open, thanks to Greyson’s info shard.

V stealthed through Pacifica and all the way up to the Netrunner lab where Brigitte had agreed to meet. She made sure she only knocked out the clueless guards on her way. _No one dies today, V_ thought. Stealth wasn’t needed to get to her meeting, she was safe in Pacifica. But, when she finally reached the lab floor and saw Placide sitting unaware at his desk, hunched over his monitors, V knew it had been worth it. She silently quickhacked Placide’s opticals, hiding V’s presence from his vision. It would only last for a couple seconds, but V knew the results would be satisfactory. The first and last time they met, Placide had boasted that nothing happened in Pacifica without him knowing. V giggled to herself, _Yea-This was definitely worth it._ V then stood and walked straight to the desk and stood in front of the Maman Brigitte’s Haitian muscle, waiting unseen and armed with a gold bat resting on her shoulder.

Suddenly, V flashed into Placide and the large brute launched back in his chair with a large thud against the wall and fell over onto the floor behind the desk. V leaned over with a big, sweet smile and looked at Placide in a heap on the floor. “Hello Placide, I’m here for a meeting with Maman Brigitte.”

Placide looked up, slack jawed and venom in his eyes. Maman Brigitte, unaware of V’s surprise, emerged from the glassed in lab. In her smooth, creole accent, she spoke “V! I’m happy to see you alive and well. Come, come in.” Brigitte spared a glance at Placide trying to rise from the floor and turned back to the lab without a word.

“I will admit, I was surprised you wanted to see me again after our last… collaboration, let’s say. But, if people handled politics more like you, I think we’d all be better for it. The eddies will go back into the community. We’ve been putting funds aside for some better health clinics.”

“Glad to hear it, Maman Brigitte.”

“However, I know that it does not come without cost. Especially after you requested a meeting with your eddies… What do you need of us?”

V schooling her features replied “Oh Brigitte. I do like you. Straight to the chase. What I need doesn’t require anything beyond your own abilities or puts any of your people in danger. You might actually be interested in this venture.” 

“Oh? And what is this so called venture.”

V let her friendly mask slip, politics be damned. “I need you to take me back to the Blackwall. I need to speak with Alt Cunningham.”

“V, maybe you do not recall. ALT ejected you and my entire team in one swift move. We had headaches for 3 days. One of my runners had a bloody nose….” She paused for a moment, then continued. “I had heard Mikoshi was destroyed when Arasaka was stormed recently, I assumed that was you. What could you possibly want with Alt now?”

“That is not up for discussion. What I do offer is a short window to collect data beyond the blackwall, that is it. Non-negotiable. If that is not good for you, I will ask Wakako. I believe the ancient fixer collected a few decent netrunners from the Tyger Claws when I destroyed Arasaka. In one foul swoop, may I add.”

“Yes. You did. Many talk about what happened that day. You accomplished more than what anyone else had tried previously. Ever.” Brigitte spoke pensively. Head furrowed, deep in thought. V was sure she could see Maman’s brain working. Analyzing the task from every angle.

V added, trying to appeal to Maman’s humanity, softening her voice. “I came to you first with this task because I know you and your family are skilled. If you choose not to help me, there will be no repercussions. I will leave as a friend. The eddies were meant to persuade you to listen, but I also wanted to help your community.” V continued, watching the netrunner turn her back and peer down at her infopad. “I would rather your help, Maman. Please.”

A few moments passed. V’s heart felt like it was racing out of her chest. It was a gamble, but she had come to a point in her life where she had to play all in.

“We agree to your proposal. But, we go now,” Maman Brigitte clipped “if we wait, NetWatch may find out what we are doing.”

Four netrunners immediately poured into the lab, taking their seats, jacking into the monitors above them. Maman Brigitte became a flurry of action around the room, checking protocols and shouting instructions. V sighed with relief. She was thrilled at the speed she was going to be able to be able to do this next step. She stepped over to the familiar cooling tub and as before, a netrunner approached her, hooked her up and helped her into the tub. She could feel her body shock at the freezing temperature. 

V took a deep breathe and stared down into the tub, focusing on the frosted ice cubes floating in the viscous fluid. Trying to calm her nerves, she closed her eyes and focused on a particular memory that always calmed her. She closed her eyes and let the memory sweep away the commotion of the lab. 

In her mind, V opened her eyes to sitting on her bed, at home safe and relaxed, staring out the window at the neon signs of Night City. It had been a rare afternoon where they didn’t have some task to complete, so she decided to take an afternoon for some self care. 

The soft strumming of Johnny’s guitar reaching her ears first. She looked over to see him sitting on a digitized chair next to the bed, facing up at the ceiling, lost in the moment with eyes closed. Johnny had looked particularly relaxed this day too, maybe feeding off of her own emotions. He strummed away, to a slowed down version of Never Fade Away, meeting his eyes, V decided to quietly sing along with him.

> _“I saw in you what life was missing  
>  You lit a flame that consumed my hate  
> I'm not one for reminiscing but  
> I'd trade it all for your sweet embrace”._

In his carefree state, he had abandoned his aviators and armoured vest, boots abandoned . He never changed clothes, but he seemed to have the ability to choose to have them or not. His hair fell loose over his cheek as he rolled his head, strumming the emotion he felt into existence. V felt butterflies watching her rockerboy roommate let his guard down and show her a side he usually guarded. He was such a hard ass most of the time. Difficult. Stubborn and defiant. But when he met her gaze with his dark amber eyes, that facade had melted away. Deep down, he had fears just like everyone else. He struggled and fought with demons that plagued him. He was lonely and had felt pain unlike any other, making it difficult for him to relate sometimes. But, he still cared for humanity. And as he smiled at V, she knew he cared for her.

Johnny stopped playing and set the guitar aside, fazing to his knees in front of her. He raised his hand to touch her cheek. How her mind seemed to reconcile things, she didn’t quite understand. If Johnny went to touch her, he skin would recognize pressure. If what he felt was strong enough, it would completely take control. But, for now, he smiled as his intention to make contact was known. 

“So soft today, V. What is this you’re feeling? It is strong. I can feel it.” 

V smiled shyly, looking away.

“Are you being shy? This is so unlike you. Normally, you tell me to fuck off and tell me to get my head out of my ass.”

“Is that what you want?” V looked back at him. 

“No. What I want… what I want is you. Like this.. Smiling for me.”

“Johnny… I..” V could feel her heart trying to squeeze through her chest. Johnny could too, he just thought it was his own emotion.

“V.” He leaned forward and kissed her. It was something they hadn’t done before. He knew he was crossing a line but he didn’t care. He was pretty sure his heart had crossed it long before. He could feel the soft pressure of her slips, the curve of her smile through the kiss. A moment passed and V reached to touch Johnny, eyes closed damning her heart. Her fingers passed through his arms, not making any purchase. But, Johnny felt it. He felt more than that. He felt her need to be closer, to hold him. To feel his skin against hers. Johnny broke the kiss resting his forehead against hers.

“Sorry, doll.”

V looked into his eyes and smiled. Small tears fresh in her eyes and then a sparkled appeared in them. “I have an idea. Sit beside me, close your eyes and picture us as we are.”

Johnny did as instructed although nothing materialized but the pressure of his hand on hers. Just the dark greyness around him. Then suddenly, sparking to light, V came into vision in front of him. Glowing like a candle. He could feel her warmth, her emotions and desires. 

“How?”

“All that meditation I do, that you make fun of me for? This is where I go in my mind. I just never share it with anyone.” 

“V. You are beautiful.” _My turn._

Johnny meditated as he had seen V do countless times when sleep would not be possible. He focused on her breathing, and then on her. Dropping his walls, he let his feelings surround her. He thought through to her. _It will all be okay. Your heart, your soul is precious to me._

“Johnny.” V opened her eyes, looking at him with eyes full of tears. Johnny could feel them squeezing at his throat.

Johnny touched V’s face, feeling her skin warm and soft to his callus fingers. Trailing it down her elegant neck and collarbones. He smiled a little as V’s eyes fluttered closed, enjoying what his touch did to her. His eyes trailed down to her breasts as they rose with every breath. Moving his hand to rest between the silken skin between, he felt her heartbeat. Even jumped a little when he replaced his hand with his lips. He breathed in deep, closing his eyes to let the scent of her fill his senses. She was ocean breeze and orange blossoms, it would be something he would remember forever. Johnny turned his cheek against her breast and touched the tip of his tongue to her heartbeat, tasting her skin. Delicious. He wanted to spend hours delighting in tasting the areas of her body that had teased him over the last few weeks. He placed a hand up on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. With a smile, Johnny softly said “It’s time.” 

V looked at his glinting metal hand as it faded away to a black leather glove. She looked up and a netrunner gazed down at her. Shaking her shoulder. “Ms. V. It’s time.”

V’s world came back into focus, locking in on what she was about to do. Looking over at Maman Brigitte, she gave a warning before sliding into the ice.  
“Maman, get me through this and call me friend. If you try to betray me, my failsafes will activate and no quantity of netrunners or muscle will stop your world from burning.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you asked me how many times you’ve crossed my mind, I would say once because you never really left…”~ unknown

Going into cyberspace this time was a little less adventure and more nerve splitting mission. She knew where she was going, what it was going to look like as her mind was translated back into data in Alt’s world. It was uncomfortable. Prickly and a little painful. Being dead the first time, it must have shielded her the first time the Relic chip was inserted, and then at Mikoshi, ALT had given her painkiller before she had lit V up with Soulkiller, turning her into an engram. This time she was alone, and she felt every second of it.

“Child, get moving. You do not have long. We are monitoring you from this side.” She hears Maman Brigette inside her head, urging her onwards.

V flew to the wall in no time. Almost instantly, she stood before the great divide between humanity’s cyberspace and ALT and the rogue A.I.’s. V wondered for a moment if any of the split Delamain personalities had made it to ALT’s realm. V reached forward, placing a hand on the structure and passed through the barrier without a second thought. Once through, she scanned for ALT.

“ALT. Are you here?”

“V.” Suddenly materializing. “I did not foresee you returning here. Johnny does not accompany you. Have you come to join me?”

“ALT. You know I’ll never cross that bridge and you definitely know Johnny isn’t with me.”

“Why have you come?”

“You know why I am here. You knew Johnny’s body was still alive. I’ve come to take him back to it. You must release him.”

“I cannot.”

“ALT! You must let him go! He has the potential to live a full life. You knew this when you flushed my engram back to my body. I begged you to let him live. He trusted you that if there was a way for him to return, you would have done so. But, you didn’t let him go. I woke up alone. I have come so far… Please, I beg of you. Let him go.”

“I cannot.”

“Why? Did you destroy him? Was it payback for accidentally killing you? Why?”

“I cannot release what I do not have. I did not destroy Johnny Silverhand.”

“W-what do you mean… Define.”

“When I split you two, Johnny’s plan all along was to destroy Mikoshi using me. Beyond that, there were no further calculations. Before you departed, your suggestion to recode Johnny’s engram to my shard creating a new stable Relic chip was being calculated if possible. When I deemed it possible, I immediately pushed Johnny to the shard. I could not communicate the procedure to you as you were gone. Johnny was unaware as well. There was no time to communicate to him due to the risk of you removing the shard on the other side.”

V stood, gaping, staring before the red female silhouette that ALT used as her form. “Johnny is on the shard…”

“Correct. I hypothesize by the absence of your response, you have not discovered this.”

V’s eye ticked. “You’d be fuckin’ right I haven’t. I’ve been on a suicidal hunt to bring any semblance of order back to my life and all it would have taken was finding Johnny on that shard. Damn it, ALT! Couldn’t you have sent some sort of instruction through an email or holo. Nevermind. It’s not important now. Can I slip the shard into my mind without it rewriting my brain again?”

“No. Johnny will have to go to a virgin platform, unoccupied by any other form of electrical processes.”

“Could he go back to his body?”

“Unknown. There are risks as his mind will need to reboot. You may require assistance.” ALT paused, her face going blank and then returned again. “You must go, it is no longer safe.”

"What do you mean risks? Who's assistance."

“Look for the Spider that climbed the tower. Find her in among hidden web. Now go!”

And with that V was launched out of cyberspace and back gasping over the side of the tub in the lab. She gripped the side, Maman and a fellow netrunner pulling her from the tub, wrapping her with towels. V coughed up water and blood, reminding her that her body was a ticking countdown clock. V looked up into Maman’s concerned eyes.

“Thank you.” V’s eyes lit up blue as she moved credits to Maman’s account.

“Fierce and strong woman, it is unnecessary. You are obviously still fighting a demon that plagues you. You travel to hell and back, and all the while hiding from death. From today on, you can call me ‘friend’.”

V smiled and through her wheezing breaths “Thank you, Brigitte.”

V shook out her wet hair and quickly high tailed it out of the lab, into the Porsche. V peeled out for the badlands and far from Pacifica’s listening ears. She booted up her holo to call Panam. Praying she hadn’t discarded the shard as V had initially instructed. 

_Bzzz. bzzz._

_Bzzz. bzzz..._ click.

_Shit._ Panam wasn’t answering. Could be any reason why. V hadn’t really been a super responsive friend since discovering Johnny’s body on the Ebunike. Hell, it was probably long before that. _Please, please still have the shard._ V felt like she was going to throw up. She rolled the window down, letting the heat, dust and wind wash over her damp body. The feeling wasn’t going away and now she could feel blood trickling down from her nose. , _No, no, no. Not now._

V pulled the car over, and threw up into a cactus. Heaving blue cooling fluid and a couple of crackers she had downed before going to ALT. V heaved more, but nothing was coming. She tried to stop as she fell out onto her knees in the dust and emptied her stomach. She wiped her lips on the back of her sleeve as her holo went off. She blinked, activating the holo and Panam appeared on the viewer.

“V? Shit. What’s wrong? What’s happening? Where are you?”

V rolled onto her back, blinking her co-ordinates off to Panam. The sides of her vision darkening. 

“Help...me...In badlands...Need you… bring shard... _cough, cough_...help” Then passed out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness.”~ unknown

V slowly opened her eyes seeing a green canvas ceiling overhead. She peered to the right to see Panam sitting beside her, steel mug in hand, staring off into camp. V sighed and Panam turned and met her eyes.

“V. Thank God you are ok. You had us all worried.”

“Thanks for coming to get me, Panam. I’m… I’m sorry that I haven’t been around.” V said hoarsely.

“I understand. I’ve heard you’ve had your hands full being some sort of dark avenger.” V smirked. , _Rogue must have been talking._

“How long have I been out?” V sat up, running her hand through her hair.

“Roughly six hours. V...When is the last time you ate? Or slept?”

“Uhh...I had a couple crackers this morning. I was up planning and then I had my meeting with the..er... Voodoo Boys...” V said fading off, she knew Panam was gonna flip.

“Jesus, V. That’s not eating. And before that?” Panam stood, slamming the mug down on a camp table. 

“Uhhh…”

“Are you trying to speed up your death?”

“No...”

“Well, then, you have to take care of your body as much as you can. When is this insanity going to stop. Since you woke up from the Arasaka raid, you’ve been on this downward spiral. And at times, you seemed like you were racing for the bottom.”

“I know...I know. Fuck. It’s just… Johnny…” V looked up, suddenly remembering the shard. “Panam! Do you still have the shard? The one we used in the Arasaka tower?”

“Yea…you mentioned it on the holo. I had forgotten it in my jacket. I have it here.” Panam turned her hand over to reveal the shard in her palm.

V’s hands shook as she reached out to receive the shard but Panam pulled it back to her chest. “V. How much longer will you walk this path? I need to know, cause I have an entire clan looking at me for answers. We are supposed to be planning the leave of Night City. “

V could feel her panic rising when Panam pulled the shard away. She understood that Panam was in a tough position. “Panam. This shard is the key. If it doesn’t work, I’m done. I will have exhausted everything I could think of.”

“But will you be done? Or will you just check out?”

Tears started filling V’s eyes. “I don’t know, Panam. I don’t want to think about this not working.”

“Fine.” Panam looked to see a single tear run down V’s cheek, feeling bad for making her friend cry. She loved V, fought long and hard with her, but V needed to be prepared for the worst. She watched V sit up, slipping her jacket on, feet into the boots waiting beside the cot. Panam held the shard out.

“Ready to go see your rocker boyfriend?”

V rolled her eyes, linking arms with Panam. _Please God, let this work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a short one, more still coming.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! More chapters coming!


End file.
